


The Five Times He Left Him and the One Time He Stayed

by Junker



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, No Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junker/pseuds/Junker
Summary: A short little fic about all the times Zaeed could have connected with his kid, but decided to stay isolated instead, and the one time he makes a different decision.





	The Five Times He Left Him and the One Time He Stayed

**Author's Note:**

> A friend and I were talking about these sorts of fics and I wanted to give it a shot! I'm not sure how successful it was, but here we are anyway! I couldn't figure out a better wording for Zaeed not sticking with Bain, but whatever. Also I meant to request Zaeed & Bain in spec recs and totally forgot, so I thought I'd write this for myself since no one will write it for me, ahaha!

He sat in the hospital chair with his son nestled in his arms. It was almost strange how naturally he called this kid his own - at least in his head. He didn’t say it aloud, and he doubted he’d ever have the opportunity to. The mother slept soundly in the bed next to the chair. His son’s eyelids were heavy; he’d strain to keep his eyes open and watch Zaeed’s face before his eyelids fluttered shut. It was as if part of him knew how important this moment was and desperately tried to remember as much as possible.

Zaeed originally wasn’t going to come to the hospital. He told himself it was a waste of time. He couldn’t be a father, and the mother certainly didn’t want him around. He was dangerous, and even his presence here was nothing but a threat to them. Even if he left the Blue Suns, they’d never be safe, not really. 

Plus, he’d just gotten the tattoo on his neck. It wasn’t like he could up and leave the Suns now.

Still, his eyes were wet with tears. He’d always been a sentimental asshole, but how deeply his kid’s birth affected him surprised him. He hated himself already, knowing he’d be nothing but a letdown. Hell, even if he stayed in their lives, what could he offer him? Here’s how you blow shit up. Here’s how you piss someone off five minutes after meeting them.

He stood up, a bit reluctantly, and set the baby down in the hospital bassinet. His kid’s dark eyes watched him, and Zaeed thought he looked a bit pitiful. He gently brushed the back of his hand against the boy’s cheek. “Sorry for letting you down, kid.”

He moved towards the nightstand next to the mother. They’d spoken briefly. She wasn’t mad he was there, but she wanted to make sure he was smart enough to stay away in the future. Drawing the envelope out of his pocket, he looked at it. It read, “For whatever,” in his sloppy handwriting. 

He’d drained his bank account. All of his credits were in that envelope. He’d make enough back to survive on soon enough, and they’d need it more than him. He lifted up a small stuffed varren he’d picked up in the hospital gift shop’s clearance bin and put the envelope underneath it. He knew if he’d tried giving the envelope to her earlier, she wouldn’t have taken it. Better to just leave it.

His eyes burned with tears for a moment. He fucking hated himself. He took a deep breath, thankful they were both asleep, and he left the room.

*

Zaeed stood in plain clothes at a carnival on Jaeto. The Blue Suns had been hired to take out a Salarian spy, which was far from an easy task. They had intel he was here, and they wore plain clothes so they wouldn’t spook him off. It was a job better suited to the Eclipse; the Blue Suns’ humans stuck out like, well, like a bunch of humans on a Salarian planet.

Zaeed’s keen eyes carefully scanned the scene. Vido had wanted him on the field. They’d had an argument that Zaeed wasn’t pulling his weight, and Zaeed wasn’t impressed that Vido had thrown him onto a job where he had to differentiate between Salarians. And Zaeed was pulling his weight just fine. He’d dedicated himself to training the men and recruitment. He knew everyone’s names - their strengths and weaknesses - and Vido wasn’t even sure how many they had working for them. Fuck him.

The carnival was relatively full – not packed, but busy. Faces passed Zaeed quicker than he could read them. Music played and various announcements cluttered the air. He tried to match the faces that passed him to the one he was hunting as he listened to his men’s chatter on his comm. He wasn’t angry, but he was simmering. There were other people better equipped for this job than him, but he wasn’t stupid enough to vent on the comm. It was unprofessional.

He heard a sharp, “Got him.”

Another man asked, “Alive?”

“Yeah, alive,” the voice said. “Wait, that’s what we were supposed to do, right?”

Zaeed said, “Yeah. Try to bring him in as casually as you can. I’ll meet you there.”

Zaeed started to walk off, and he spotted a small Salarian kid looking nervous by one of the games. Zaeed hesitated, and it wasn’t like him to hesitate. The child looked around more frantically, and Zaeed absently wondered if Salarians could cry. He thought of his kid’s dark eyes watching him in the bassinet. He walked up to the kid and asked, “Lost someone?”

The kid nodded, and Zaeed said, “Let’s find someone who can help you out.”

The Salarian held his hand. It was cold and soft. He wondered what dumb ass parent taught him to hold a stranger’s hand, but he held his hand back, firmly, but not too tough. He hated how fucking trusting this stupid kid was, especially since he suspected they’d taken his dad. The kid asked, “Where are your children?”

“I’m just here with some friends for the rides.”

“Humans do have kids,” he said, thoughtfully. “I’ve met some.”

“Yeah, we have kids,” Zaeed said. “Aren’t you guys raised as a group or something?”

“I was supposed to be with my dad today,” he said, absently.

He walked the kid to security and explained to them where he found him. He tried walking away, but the kid wouldn’t let go of his hand. He squatted down in front of him and said, “Hey, these guys are going to find your family, okay?”

The kid looked at Zaeed’s hand for a moment, memorizing every crease before he released it. One of the security guards talked to the kid while the other turned to Zaeed. “He must be from an area with a lot of humans,” the guard said to him. “We don’t really hold hands like that.”

“Oh,” Zaeed said.

The guard asked, “What brings you here?”

“Just going on some rides with friends,” Zaeed replied.

“And where are they now?”

“I stopped for the kid and they probably kept walking,” Zaeed said. “I’ll track them down.”

The guard looked him up and down. He’d remember Zaeed’s face, not that it’d matter much. The guard said, “All right. You can go find them.”

Zaeed walked off and wondered what made him so stupid. He’d walked past hundreds of upset kids before. When he returned to the Blue Suns ship, he avoided seeing the Salarian they’d captured and locked himself up in a private area. He hadn’t thought of his own kid in ages, and he couldn’t even remember how old he’d be now. It wasn’t like he could write down his birthday somewhere.

He opened a channel that the Blue Suns couldn’t see or trace and called one of the few people he trusted with a question like this.

A voice distractedly said, “Hackett.”

“Hey, I need a favour.”

Hackett turned to look at Zaeed. He frowned. “I think you owe me three, right now.”

“Well, I need another.”

Hackett said, “You know, it’s hard for you to return these favours when I can’t even get in touch with you.”

Zaeed shrugged. “You gonna help me or not?”

Hackett sighed. “What do you need, Massani?”

“Can you look someone up for me? I don’t want to know where she is or anything, just that she’s okay - and if she has a kid.”

Hackett said, “All right, what’s the name?”

Zaeed gave him the information, and it took some narrowing down to find her. Hackett said, “She’s alive and based on her last check-up, she’s fine. She has a son. Bain. Looks healthy too.”

“Thanks.”

Hackett watched Zaeed’s face and said, “Do you want me to keep tabs on them?”

Zaeed hesitated. He sucked his teeth before replying, “No.”

*

Zaeed stayed limp on the ground. His body roared in pain, and he felt blood drizzling out of his mouth. Was this it? Was he dead and his consciousness was going to hang in this hopeless fucking body forever? He screamed at himself to get up, to get moving, but it never reached his mouth. He’d worked too god damn hard to let Vido take it all away from him. He’d sacrificed far too much. And his stupid body wouldn’t even fucking get up.

“Is that it?” someone asked Vido.

“Yeah,” Vido said. “He has no other ties. The Suns were his family. Kill anyone you think will stay loyal to him over me.”

“He’s trained all of the men,” the voice said. “We could lose a lot.”

“We’re joining that Batarian group. They’ll fill in the spots.”

Zaeed laughed. He heard himself laughing. They had no idea about his kid and the mother. Hell, Vido would probably have to slaughter half the men. What a fucking idiot. He didn’t even want the Suns now. He just wanted Vido dead.

“Uh, sir, sounds like he’s still alive.”

“Yeah, I can hear the asshole laughing.”

Vido stepped on his back. Fuck, it hurt. “Goodbye Massani.”

Zaeed reached up and yanked Vido’s arm down. Vido shot once into the floor before Zaeed broke his arm. He wanted to kill Vido, but his body ached just from leaning up enough to snap Vido’s arm. He coughed up blood as he got to his feet and left some of his face on the floor below him. 

Blood obscured Zaeed’s vision. He wasn’t sure who the other man in the room was. Hell, he wouldn’t have known it was Vido if he didn’t know the voice. The other man shot Zaeed in the shoulder as Vido barked at him to stop. Zaeed pretended the force knocked him out of the window. He broke a couple more bones in the fall, but he managed to pull himself away. As he heaved himself to his feet, he told himself it’d hurt more later so he’d better get the fuck away now.

He chuckled to himself, partly out of pain, but he loved that he was so fucking right. He knew he left his kid for a reason, and this was a god damned good one. He thought about seeking them out and hiding with them while he healed, but it was risky. If Vido tracked him down, he’d never let them live in peace again. So he pressed forward and pushed them out of his thoughts. Fucking Vido. Killing him would feel so fucking good.

*

Zaeed cursed as he walked away from the varren pits. He’d already spent too much, and he’d been unlucky in his choices. Usually his gut instinct was better than that. He heard someone talking to the Krogan in charge. He was big for a Krogan, and he had a bit of a gut on him. Zaeed liked him. His name was Barsan. The other voice was light, likely a human. He said, “I’ll pay for her.”

Barsan said, “Kid, it isn’t worth shit.”

“I don’t care,” the human replied.

Zaeed took a few steps back to eavesdrop properly. He knew the kid instantly. He had his mother’s dark eyes and thick brows, but Zaeed could read his own expressions on the kid’s face. It was strange to see it so clearly, as if someone put up a mirror and he saw himself a decade or two ago. He wondered what the fuck the kid was doing here, and trying to buy a broken varren, no less. The varren was on its side on the ground between them, panting. A large gash sat on its gut. Zaeed had bet on it earlier, and it lost.

“You could probably get one of the fighters for the right price,” Barsan said.

The kid replied, “But you’re just going to kill this one, and I can fix her up.”

Zaeed cut in, “Barsan, just give the kid the varren.”

The Krogan turned to look at Zaeed and snorted. The kid looked at Zaeed too, clearly frustrated that someone else had to speak for him. Barsan turned back and raised his hands. “Fine,” he said. “Take it, and fuck off. I don’t want to see you around here again.”

“As if I want to watch a bunch of relics getting off on varren fighting anyway,” the kid said as he lifted the beast into his arms. 

The varren bit into his arm, but he didn’t react at all. The Krogan just laughed and walked off. Zaeed was impressed the kid could carry the varren and shrug off a bite so easily. The kid said, “Thanks.”

“What are you going to use it for?” Zaeed asked. “Going to sell the meat?”

“What? Gross. No.”

“Then what?” Zaeed asked.

“I work private security,” he said. “A lot of long shifts with strangers or by myself. Thought a varren ally would give me an edge, or at least keep things from getting boring.”

The varren finally released his arm, either because it was tired of fighting or it finally relaxed. The kid stroked its head and smiled absently. Zaeed couldn’t believe he sired such a stupid kid.

“You could just get a partner,” Zaeed said.

The kid shrugged. “I don’t really trust people easily.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said.

Zaeed stared at him for a moment, but the kid was busy checking the varren’s wounds. The kid said, “Could you hold onto her for a sec? I just want to put some medigel on her.”

“No,” Zaeed said. He started to walk away and added, “Good luck, kid.”

Zaeed had little interest in either getting bitten by a varren or having it chip its tooth on his armour. He left the kid with his curiosity sated. Hell, maybe he’d bet on the right varren in the end.

The kid muttered, “Asshole,” under his breath.

*

Zaeed stood on the Shadow Broker’s base and watched the Asari’s quick blue eyes dart between the different screens. Shepard had left to talk to Feron, giving Zaeed an extremely small window to talk to her before the Commander got back. He barely knew the Asari, but he knew she’d likely be able to find out everything if she looked hard enough. There was no point in keeping secrets from her.

“Hey, Liara?”

“Yes?”

“I need a favour.”

Liara turned to look at him in surprise and then asked, “What can I do for you?”

Zaeed rubbed the back of his head. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he started, “There’s this kid - Bain. He’s mine, but I think he’s using his mother’s last name. If I die on the Collector Base, I want you to transfer everything I’ve got to him.”

Liara nodded, suddenly serious. “Okay.”

“You can get into my accounts, right?”

“Should not be a problem.”

“Chase down Cerberus for the money if you have to,” Zaeed said. “There’ll be enough that he’ll be able to do whatever he fucking wants.”

“Would you like to send a message with it?” Liara asked.

Zaeed laughed, and again Liara looked surprised. She clearly didn’t know him well. “Fuck no,” Zaeed said. “Don’t let him know it was from me. Not sure if he’d take it, and it’s not worth the risk. And don’t tell anyone else about this.”

“Don’t tell anyone you’re giving your money to him, or don’t tell anyone you have a son?”

Zaeed shrugged. “Both.”

Liara nodded. She said, “You could reach out to him now, or we could record a video-“

“No,” Zaeed said.

“Of course,” she said. “Sorry.” After a beat, she added, “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

“Yeah, just don’t let me down,” Zaeed replied.

*

Zaeed walked across the sands on Eos. His armoured feet sunk into the sand with every step, and he cursed himself for not accepting a ride. He made his way across the Presson Dunes until he reached what he’d been told was a Kett base. It certainly wasn’t something he’d seen before, and he hadn’t heard about another alien base on Eos.

Static gently hummed in the background as he walked in. Someone was monitoring kett comms, but Zaeed didn’t know they hadn’t picked up anything in months. Zaeed walked deeper into the base and shouted, “Hello?”

“In here!”

Zaeed followed the voice and muttered, “Where the fuck is here?”

He found his kid several rooms deep, sitting at a desk and staring at several monitors. His feet were up on the console, and he ate something out of a can. He did a double take when he saw Zaeed. “I thought you were - well, someone else.”

“No, it’s me.”

His kid hesitated. His dark eyes ran over him quickly. “Okay. Who’s me?”

Zaeed shrugged. “Your dad.”

His kid laughed sharply. “Okay, he’s in the Milky Way and he’s long dead.”

Zaeed scratched his arm. “Yeah, well, it takes a lot to kill me. I mean, I haven’t found something that’ll do it yet. Heard you’re using my name now.”

His kid hesitated and stared at him. “Christ, you’re really here.”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Zaeed pulled up one of the chairs and sat down. The kid straightened up in his chair and took his feet off the console. Zaeed supposed he wasn’t really a kid anymore. He’d filled out, and he was clearly surviving just fine on his own. He wondered how long he’d been doing that – probably long before he’d left the Milky Way. Zaeed said, “Followed after you once I figured out where you’d gone. Ran out of things to be mad about and wanted to find something to be happy about.”

The kid laughed again. “Well, I still have plenty of fucking things to be mad about, and you’re on the list. Not that close to the top - don’t flatter yourself.”

Zaeed nodded, tempted to laugh with him. He suddenly remembered what it felt like to hold him as an infant, and he wished he could hug him. But he wasn’t a kid, and Zaeed had to respect that. There was no reason for his kid to want him now, and that was fine. Zaeed told himself this short conversation was enough – seeing him here now, alive, was enough. 

Zaeed said, “It’s still a big galaxy. If you want me to fuck off, I can fuck off. And if you change your mind, I’ll be around.”

His kid stared at him for a moment, his dark eyes ran across Zaeed’s face again. This time he really took Zaeed in, not just trying to figure out who he was. He softened and said, “Don’t fuck off yet.”

Zaeed smiled and leaned forward in the chair.

His kid said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like shit. What happened to you?”

Zaeed grinned and replied, “You ready to hear about your old dad?”

Shrugging, his kid said, “I’ve always been ready.”

Zaeed wasn’t sure why that hurt so much to hear. Maybe it was the casual way he said it, as if he really didn’t care anymore. He rubbed the back of his neck and felt like a proper asshole. He said, “Yeah, I guess it was me that wasn’t.”

His kid watched him intently, and Zaeed felt a little self-conscious under his steady gaze. He said, “But you’re ready now, right?”

“Yeah,” Zaeed said. “Hell, I came all this way.”

His kid nodded. “How about I make you a drink first? It’s hot as fuck out.”

Zaeed laughed softly. “Yeah, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.”

His kid walked off, and Zaeed thought about leaving again. He doubted his kid would even bother looking for him. He could just disappear into a new galaxy. But that’s never why he ran, was it? He always wanted to protect them, to keep them safe. He thought about his kid sitting in that hospital bassinet again, looking pitiful and tired. He thought of the Salarian kid’s cold hand refusing to let go of his own. He realized he’d never know what his kid’s hand would have felt like, he’d never feel it grow up under his touch.

He only had the now, and he wasn’t walking away again.

Zaeed stood up. His body felt old and heavy, as if suddenly all the years hit him at once. “Bain,” he said. The name sounded foreign in his mouth. He’d always just been his kid, but he couldn’t be just that anymore. He continued, “Let me help you with the drinks.”

**Author's Note:**

> • [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JunkerFics) • [Tumblr](https://junkerfics.tumblr.com/) • [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/community/Not%20a%20Main%20Character) • 


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